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Talking to kids about this world’s injustices is sad, hard, essential, and magical. Here are some scripts, because we all need scripts. You can do this!
Dear fellow safe grownups,
Kids are my favorite people talk to, but some of our conversations HURT. Most especially the ones about how unfair the world is— how unequal the resources, how unjust the systems, and how broken the planet. I want to make life so, so good for them. I want to make life perfect. I can’t. They know it.
I am lucky enough to connect with hundreds of kids every year, and their observations about the world – – its beauty, its unfairness, its weirdness and its injustice— are a joy and dagger to the heart. One of the big gifts we can give the kids as their safe grownups— aunties, uncles, parents, friends, goofy photographers, etc— is to help them puzzle through the tough parts of life with curiosity and openness.
I think I am good at this, so today I’m going to offer you some scripts for talking to kids about the injustices they notice or experience as they move through life. I LOVE a script when talking to kids. I love a keyword/keyphrase. These things help us through the tough conversations, and they also give kids stable language to describe the ineffable. Lean on scripts with kids! Don’t be shy! They haven’t been here for very long and they’ll never know.
It’s normal to feel stymied when kids hit us with an observation or experience of injustice— these things are sad and stymieing by their nature, yes? Best we can do is open up a conversation with respect and care, and hope to build a pathway together toward a repaired and healing world. Ouch. It hurts. We will walk through it together.
We can’t protect these brilliant, precious people from experiencing or noticing injustice, but we can be true partners to them in processing what they see, and remind them that we will always protect them the best way we know how.
Some ground rules
Think of these snippets as micro-scripts. I beg you— do not throw all of this grownup nonsense at your kid-friend at once. After you have really listened to them, pick a response framework that really fits what they have noticed and who they are. Then— wait. Just. Shhhh. Let it be. Wait for a long pause.
Let yourself get a little bored waiting. Silence is not weird for kids the way it is for us. They’ll either keep chatting, or move on. This gives kids time to process and decide if they want to continue the conversation. There’s nothing wrong with a short chat. They’ll circle back later if they need to.
Depending on your relationship to your kid-friend, avoid assuming that they have not experienced injustice themselves, or that they will be immune to it in the future. This one also hurts. Do it anyway, because it’s rude and misinformed not to.
Also— listen for your kid-friend’s wisdom! Absorb it! Enjoy it! Let their ideas enrich your thinking, and thank them for their insight. Trust me, they are smarter than you. They just are.
Ok! Let’s go!
Listen
When a kid shares something they have noticed in this unfair world, ask some gentle follow-up questions so that you can get a better idea of where your little friend is coming from, and so they can process verbally what they felt or noticed:
“Oh wow, what makes you say that?”
“Interesting— what did you notice?”
“Thanks for telling me! Where did you hear that?”
What your kid-friend says will help guide your approach. It might be that they just want validation or a little framing for what they have noticed. Don’t make a long conversation out of a short one, or you will be boring.
Affirm and confirm
Assure them that what they are experiencing or noticing is real. If they don’t have the actual facts right, offer the correct information gently, then move on.
“Some grownups don’t have enough money to buy food or other things for their children. Everyone should have all that they need, and some of what they want! There is enough food and money for everyone, and it’s unkind for governments, companies, and rich people not to share what they have.”
“You’re right— some people do treat folks of color/femmes/immigrants /queer people differently and worse. We know that’s not fair or kind. No one should ever be hurt or deprived of what they need because of who they are.”
“It’s true. The Israeli government has been hurting Palestinian people for a long time. It’s very, very sad and unfair. All people should have a safe homeland, a happy life, and not have to worry about being hurt.”
Empathize and comfort
We all need comfort when things suck. Take a moment to tend to their feelings and share yours.
“It’s really sad to notice that, isn’t it? I wish we could fix this problem right now.
“So many smart grownups have been working to solve the problem for a long time, and they will keep working on it.”
“Do you want to hear about some of the people we know who are working to make things better?”
Celebrate resilience
Resilience is everywhere. It’s not dishonest or over-optimistic to point it out— it’s essential. It also helps kids avoid casting folks who are subject to injustice as charity cases. People are helping themselves! We keep us safe!
“You’re right that some people are unkind to trans and queer people. Isn’t it wonderful how queer and trans people continue to be who they are, live happy lives, and feel proud of what makes them special?”
“It’s true that the earth has been hurt by climate change. Plants, animals, and soil are resilient, just like people! We can learn so much from nature about how to adapt and survive, even when life is hard.”
“Palestinians are still celebrating what makes their culture special even during really hard times. Their food, art, music, and faith are strong and beautiful. Everyone deserves to feel safe, comfortable, and creative in their home culture.”
Expand
With older kids, place what they have noticed in a systemic context. This one is crucial. Personal responsibility is great, but it’s a small piece of the puzzle, right? Understanding systemic injustice will help kids to get a clearer picture of what’s going on, who is responsible, and what truly needs to change.
“Many big businesses don’t take proper care of the planet— they worry about making more money and not about whether the air, water and soil stay clean. There should be more rules and laws against that.”
“The idea that white people and men should have more money and power is really old and really wrong, and it’s had a big effect on how governments, companies, and even schools are run. That’s why you might notice that there are lots of unfair rules and laws that hurt people of color, and make it hard for everyone to get the food, education, and freedom that they deserve.” (This one is a paraphrase of the phenomenal book, “Our Skin”. All praise to Jessica Ralli and Megan Madison for this language and framing. There are lots of great book on these topics, but this one is my gold standard.)
“There are ways of making different rules and laws, but it’s hard work, it takes a long time, and sometimes the people with the most power won’t let it happen. No one should have to wait to be safe, happy or free. We will keep doing what we can, when we can.”
Activate (with a caveat)
I have big feelings about this one. Smart, caring kids (all kids are these things, I think!) will find it comforting to know that they can contribute to solving a very real problem. But we also need to help them maintain a sense of realism and recognize the long game. I’m also not a big fan of making feel kids feel responsible for solving problems created by grownups. The goal— again, the long game— is to help them learn how to assume that responsibility as they grow, always in ways that are developmentally appropriate for them.
Once they are grownups like us, they will absolutely be responsible for solving the world’s problems. That’s what repairing the world means. But for now— little bites, small chats, deep breaths— all in the context of the very hard work of growing that childhood already entails.
“One thing we can always do is speak up when we notice someone is not being treated kindly or fairly. Your speaking up is like a little drop of water in BIG wave of people working to stand up for what is right. When we all do what we can, things can change! What would you say if someone spoke to one of your friends in an unkind way because of who they are? What would you want a friend to say if someone spoke unkindly to you?”
“I want to help people in Gaza too. I wish we could stop the genocide there, but that’s not something one person or family can do, no matter how hard they try. Palestinian people are doing a great job standing up for themselves, and we can support them. Here are some things that kids are already doing to help children and families in Gaza.”
“Lots of kids want to make the earth cleaner and safer for people, plants, and animals! There are even clubs kids can join to learn and work together. Want to find one that you can be a part of?”
Circle back to the essential work of childhood
One of the great evils of injustice is that it steals childhood. Kids are doing world-repairing work just by growing. Remind them.
“There are many smart, safe grownups working really hard to make the world better. People have solved many really big problems by working together, supporting each other, and not giving up.”
“It’s ok to let grownups be in charge of solving this problem. It’s also ok to be happy and have fun, even when there are sad, unfair things happening in the world. I’m here to talk about this whenever you’d like.”
“Your biggest job as a kid is to grow, learn, and play! I know you will stand up for yourself and others when you need to. You are brave, smart, and strong! I will be there to help you recognize when you have opportunities to help make things better! We will work together with people all over the world who want everyone to be safe, happy, and free.”
Oh, friends. These conversations with children, in their pain and complexity, are the joy of my life. I see such deep wells of empathy, care, and curiosity in our kids. We are walking towards a better world when we follow them. Also, they have teeth that bite! They are equal to these challenges. Let them be moved. Hold them. Keep going.
Love,
Anna